Sunday, October 24, 2021

Changes..........

I'm sorry it's been so long since I've posted.

Many things have happened since my last post on August 14th.



I got COVID on August 29th (or I should say "it got me")....... toughed it out for a week at home and then when it got more difficult to breathe, I went to ER and was transported to the hospital in Bend (1-1/2 hours away) and was in the hospital for a week. Thankfully, my lungs weren't attacked too severely, but I've never felt so rotten in my life.

My husband was a little sick, and he said it was "just a cold". He was trying to take care of himself at home. When I was in the ER, they tested him for COVID and the next day was told he was positive for COVID. He still chose to stay home.


Two days later, he called me in the hospital and said he "had taken a turn for the worse" and was going to the ER. They immediately transported him to the same hospital I was in in Bend. We were on the same floor, about 10 rooms apart. We never got to see each other though, as they were VERY strict on keeping the people in the "COVID rooms" completely shut off from anyone else.


While I got a little better every day, he continued to get worse. I was on oxygen and the steroids they give you specifically for COVID. 

My husband had many complications - he had air in his belly, and his pneumonia got worse. They put a tube down his nose to try to release the air from his belly.  They gave him a more concentrated oxygen. They talked about having to ventilate him. I was in constant contact with his nurses and his doctor. He agreed to be ventilated if it would help, although we both knew what the outcome usually is when you're ventilated.

I went home on September 14th so was in the hospital for 7 days. I was not allowed to go visit my husband, but we talked on the phone every day and the nurses and doctor called me to let me know his condition. I felt so helpless. I kept "suggesting" other things that friends and family had suggested worked for people they knew who had COVID. The doctor was very insistent that none of those things worked. Again, I felt so helpless.  

I, myself, was still recovering from COVID. I was on oxygen at home, took the steroids for a few more days, and was taking many other supplements to boost my immune system and help my lungs. I was so so fatigued, tired, weak and lethargic. I couldn't even fathom traveling an hour and a half to the hospital, suiting up and going to see my husband. I felt awful that I couldn't/didn't go, but I was still very sick.

My husband continued to get worse. He was struggling to breathe. The doctor said they could not vent him at this point as his lungs were very bad and had previous scarring (they did a CT Scan).  At this point also, my husband could not even talk - it took too much effort.

On September 22nd, early in the morning, my husband passed away. I was in shock. Two days earlier he had seemed to rally and they had him sitting in a chair and he could talk. I had high hopes for his recovery. Two days later, he was gone.

I am still in shock and denial. 

I don't know how much I'll blog now. My life is going to be so different... and I know there will be many changes coming. For now, I'm staying put where I am, in this sweet little cottage.... but I don't know what the future holds for me.

Being in the hospital for those 7 days, and being so sick, and knowing my husband was so sick, my perspective changed drastically. All of the little things seemed so irrelevent as I laid there in that hospital bed........... all of my "stuff" seemed irrelevent, TV, commercials, news, noise, people, talking, all seemed to mean nothing to me. And I still feel that way now.


I pray every day to "Let Go and Let God".. and try not to control the next path I will take in my life. All I know, is that everything has changed.


Rest in Peace my sweet Husband.
Ronald McLeod
10-29-1948 to 9-22-2021



Our 18th anniversary was October 18th, 2021.


~Marilyn~


ALL CONTENT © PINK PAPER COTTAGE.
PLEASE DO NOT COPY MY PHOTOS AND IMAGES INTO YOUR OWN POSTS WITHOUT FIRST LINKING TO THIS BLOG AND MY NAME.

32 comments:

  1. Oh Marilyn, I am so saddened and shocked by this news I hardly know what to say. You’re a strong woman and will get through this dark time, but I wish you didn’t have to. Know that so many love you, including yours truly, and anytime you want to chat, I’m here.

    I don’t know if this comment will go through. It’s my second attempt, but I hope so!

    ❤️

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Doreen. I DID get your comment.. it came through twice! Thank you for your kind words and thoughts. I think I'm still in shock.. well I know I am. It helps to know friends are thinking of me. It is very hard, plus being sick also has made it even worse. Hugs to you... I hope all is well with you.... Marilyn

      Delete
  2. Marilyn I am so sorry for this loss. What a shock for you. Prayers sweet friend that you find strength to heal your body from the virus and you can have strength for the days ahead. It is hard to find words to comfort you but please know prayers and hopefully the power of prayer from all your blog readers will help in the days to come. Again I am shocked and so sorry to hear this news this morning. May your sweet husband rest in peace and you continue to get better. God is not ready to take you yet he still has plans for you in this life. Time has a way of making the loss more tolerable as the days continue forward. Praying for you. xoxo Kris

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kris, thank you for your sweet words. I do find comfort in friends prayers for me and in relying on God to lead me on a new path. I AM feeling stronger day by day which helps deal with this. Love, Marilyn

      Delete
  3. Shoot- I lost my post! Anyway, I am so very, very sorry. When illness and death hits it is like everything in our life changes. Things that once seemed important don't matter anymore. Decorating and trends go right out the door. The TV is meaningless noise. I know your path and I am so sorry. God bless you- Just try to stay in the day and not project forward or dwell on the sorrow part of the past. I will keep you in my prayers. Hugs- Diana

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Diana.....I am sorry you have been on the same path. It is very hard that's for sure. I am truly trying not to look too far ahead as it does me no good. I will rely on God to take me on my next path in life. Thank you again.. Marilyn

      Delete
  4. I am so very sorry for the loss of your husband. You are in my prayers. Please take care of yourself. And please don't blame yourself for not going to the hospital to see him. You were not able to do so. He knew how sick you were. One of my friends went through a similar situation. I understand. God bless you.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh Marilyn, my heart aches for you in the loss of your darling Ron. There are of course no words that make it better or even less painful. I pray as you journey this road of grief that you will know (and feel) the deep deep love of Christ and only the comfort he can bring. {{hugs}}

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Anne. Your words are very encouraging as I will need lots of Faith in my next journey. xoxo Marilyn

      Delete
  6. I am deeply sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. May his memory be a blessing to all who knew and loved him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much Amy. Yours words are much appreciated. Marilyn

      Delete
  7. I'm so very sorry to hear about the loss of your dear husband. My heart just breaks for you. Please take care.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Marilyn, there are no words except to say how sorry I am for your loss. I can't even imagine what you are going through. We both know what loss is but this loss, of your dear partner in life, couldn't be more devastating. You are in my thoughts always and will be around if you need anything. Take good care of yourself now, this is most important..xxoJudy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Judy, thank you for your sweet words.. I am trying to take care of myself as now there is no one else that will help me do it... just me. It's a very weird and strange feeling, to be alone like this. This loss is something I didn't expect, and it's much harder than I thought it would be. Hugs... Marilyn

      Delete
  9. Oh my dear friend Marilyn, how my heart aches for you! I know that the loneliness and aching in your heart is so tough right now, and my prayers continue to be with you. And its so true, the things that seemed so important, in the face of such loss, completely fade away. I pray for the peace of the Lord to comfort and strengthen you, and for friends and family to come alongside you, and support you in your grief. Make no sudden changes or decisions, and remember that grief comes in waves, it ebbs, flows, eases and releases, it is part of the process. I send hugs, love, prayers, and will continue to pray that the Lord strengthens you through this grief journey. With much love for you dear friend!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Marilyn for your lovely words and prayers. I surely do need strength right now.. and somehow the Lord does give me what I need it seems. My son especially has really rallied for me..... it's showing me his true love and maturity for me and his step dad. He really cared for his step dad so much. I know grieving is such a process, ups and downs and arounds, and overs and unders.... grief can hit me from any side, any time. I've been through this before, but it doesn't make it any easier it seems. And thank you again, dear Marilyn, for the wonderful care package you sent me!! Hugs and Blessings to you.... Marilyn

      Delete
  10. Bless your dear heart. I just read Marilyn's post at Mountain Top Spice, and that is how I came to visit you tonight. Your love for your husband is so evident in every word you write, and I know he is smiling down on you from heaven. I am SO sorry for your deep, sad loss, and I trust the Lord will somehow hold you extra close as you grieve. My dear Aunt Linda is right now in the hospital battling for her life and so sick from that dreaded disease. So many are hurting tonight, and it is just heartrending. I don't know what any of us would do without our dear Jesus to turn to. Thank God we never have to find out or walk a step alone. I am praying for you right now. Please keep encouraged and know that so many are thinking of you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much Cheryl. Your kind words are so much appreciated. I hope your Aunt Linda can make it through this horrible virus. She is in my prayers as well as the many many others battling this virus right now. It is a killer that's for sure. Thank you again... Marilyn

      Delete
  11. My thoughts and prayers are with you. My husband and I both had COVID in January. My husband ended up in the hospital for a few days, but did okay. At his follow-up appointment with our primary card doctor, she noticed that his liver enzymes were high. After five hospital stays, and multiple tests and procedures, in April my husband was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and was sent home on hospice. He passed away on July 10th. My best friend died a couple weeks later from complications following COVID pneumonia. I am totally lost and, like you, am trying to find my way. My heart aches for you and I feel your pain. I am praying over you now and will continue to hold you before the Lord. God be with you. (((HUG)))

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh Rebecca I am so so sorry for your loss too. That is so scary to know your husband came home and then got sick again with something else. I know my liver enzymes were super high, but my doctor just sloughed it off and said when you have Covid, your liver enzymes are super high. I've asked her a couple of times if she should check them again and she keeps saying no. I'm going to follow up AGAIN and ask as who knows what can be lurking in our bodies, covered up by other things. I am so sorry you had to go through that loss and illness.... I went and read some of your blog and was so sad to read of your journey..... I am totally lost too... still in shock and in denial... I just can't believe he was taken by a virus. I don't think he got the proper care in the hospital, but I was too sick to do anything about it... I was just trying to survive too, but wasn't nearly as sick as my husband got with the pneumonia. Just know you are in my prayers too.... and thank you for your prayers for me. Lovingly... Marilyn

      Delete
  12. i am here from Marilyn's blog dear friend and your story made me cry ,i know there are no such words that can comfort your heart but still let me share my heart that i feel your pain and i am sorry you lost most precious person in your life !

    i can imagine how things can change for one who lost his loved one,i wish you best of luck as i can see how strong lady you are ,blessed with positive attitude and faith !
    sending you tons of healing energy and love! please say blessed with undefeated faith that makes one going no matter how strong the storm is !hugs!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Oh Marilyn, I am so sorry for your loss. My heart is breaking for you. I cannot imagine what it's like to experience all that you've gone through and are going through. I pray that in time, you will be able to Let go and Let God because He loves you.
    Take care and know that you are in my prayers.
    Donna

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Donna, for your sweet words. Yes.. I'm still in shock I'm afraid. That is my motto now, Let Go and Let God. He is directing me. I went over to your blog as you like quilting, Hallmark movies and bluegrass music! Those are some of my favorite things too, but couldn't find anywhere to subscribe, or I would have! Living in an RV while building is the way to go, as I've lived in the actual house while building, and that was not so easy, especially with a 2 year old... that was MANY years ago. My 2 year old is now 43! If you get this reply, you can comment here again, or email me, as to how to subscribe to your blog! Thanks... Marilyn

      Delete
  14. Oh, Marilyn! I am so sorry I didn't know about your husband's passing earlier. I haven't been visiting blogs like I should. So, reading your story was shocking. I had no idea, and my heart hurts for you. Of course, I understand completely what you are going through. I will try to reach you by email. Warm and gentle hugs. . .Nancy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Nancy for your kind words. It's a very shocking time... I'm still in shock and denial. I take it day by day and He is giving me strength to deal with things. Hugs... Marilyn

      Delete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...