Changes..........

I'm sorry it's been so long since I've posted.

Many things have happened since my last post on August 14th.

I got COVID on August 29th (or I should say "it got me")....... toughed it out for a week at home and then when it got more difficult to breathe, I went to ER and was transported to the hospital in Bend (1-1/2 hours away) and was in the hospital for a week. Thankfully, my lungs weren't attacked too severely, but I've never felt so rotten in my life.

My husband was a little sick, and he said it was "just a cold". He was trying to take care of himself at home. When I was in the ER, they tested him for COVID and the next day was told he was positive for COVID. He still chose to stay home.

Two days later, he called me in the hospital and said he "had taken a turn for the worse" and was going to the ER. They immediately transported him to the same hospital I was in in Bend. We were on the same floor, about 10 rooms apart. We never got to see each other though, as they were VERY strict on keeping the people in the "COVID rooms" completely shut off from anyone else.

While I got a little better every day, he continued to get worse. I was on oxygen and the steroids they give you specifically for COVID. 

My husband had many complications - he had air in his belly, and his pneumonia got worse. They put a tube down his nose to try to release the air from his belly.  They gave him a more concentrated oxygen. They talked about having to ventilate him. I was in constant contact with his nurses and his doctor. He agreed to be ventilated if it would help, although we both knew what the outcome usually is when you're ventilated.

I went home on September 14th so was in the hospital for 7 days. I was not allowed to go visit my husband, but we talked on the phone every day and the nurses and doctor called me to let me know his condition. I felt so helpless. I kept "suggesting" other things that friends and family had suggested worked for people they knew who had COVID. The doctor was very insistent that none of those things worked. Again, I felt so helpless.  

I, myself, was still recovering from COVID. I was on oxygen at home, took the steroids for a few more days, and was taking many other supplements to boost my immune system and help my lungs. I was so so fatigued, tired, weak and lethargic. I couldn't even fathom traveling an hour and a half to the hospital, suiting up and going to see my husband. I felt awful that I couldn't/didn't go, but I was still very sick.

My husband continued to get worse. He was struggling to breathe. The doctor said they could not vent him at this point as his lungs were very bad and had previous scarring (they did a CT Scan).  At this point also, my husband could not even talk - it took too much effort.

On September 22nd, early in the morning, my husband passed away. I was in shock. Two days earlier he had seemed to rally and they had him sitting in a chair and he could talk. I had high hopes for his recovery. Two days later, he was gone.

I am still in shock and denial. 

I don't know how much I'll blog now. My life is going to be so different... and I know there will be many changes coming. For now, I'm staying put where I am, in this sweet little cottage.... but I don't know what the future holds for me.

Being in the hospital for those 7 days, and being so sick, and knowing my husband was so sick, my perspective changed drastically. All of the little things seemed so irrelevent as I laid there in that hospital bed........... all of my "stuff" seemed irrelevent, TV, commercials, news, noise, people, talking, all seemed to mean nothing to me. And I still feel that way now.

I pray every day to "Let Go and Let God".. and try not to control the next path I will take in my life. All I know, is that everything has changed.

Rest in Peace my sweet Husband.
Ronald McLeod
10-29-1948 to 9-22-2021

Our 18th anniversary was October 18th, 2021.

~Marilyn~

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